On My Way
by ifyouarechilly
Summary: Spencer Carlin and Ashley Davies dated for only a short period of time, but it made a lasting impression on both of them. What happens when they see eachother again for the first time in five years?
1. No Love

**Chapter One: No Love. **

I would like to say that Los Angeles looks different than it did five years ago. But it doesn't. It's still the same old city: crazy, amazing, and dirty. I grew up here, so I know it like the back of my hand, but this cab driver probably does also. I should tell you what I'm doing and why I'm talking about LA like I haven't been here in five years right? Well, I kind of haven't. I mean, I have been here a couple times. Like, two. That was a while ago though.

Anyway, let me just tell you my life story. I grew up in LA with my older brother and his friends basically. His two best friends more specifically. Aiden Denninson and Ashley Davies. Those three? They were inseparable, like together ALL THE TIME. They still are too.

But yeah, that's who I spent most of my time with. No really, I did. I didn't start getting real friends until my freshman year of high school. I guess you could say that I didn't fully _develop _or fill out my body until that time. Before then, I was this awkward looking girl with braces, glasses, and a number of weird tie dye t-shirts. Summer before my ninth grade year, I got the metal all out of my mouth, switched to contacts, and drastically changed my wardrobe.

That's when my life also drastically changed. In my freshman year, I had my first and last boyfriend. What can I say? Aiden was sweet and he was easy. Well, not like that… actually yeah he was kind of easy because after me he became the biggest manwhore to ever grace this planet. But he was easy as in, I knew him well, and we didn't have to go through the whole meeting phase. He was my first too, which kind of sucks but what are you going to do? It was horrible by the way. To make a long story short, we were together for five months before I realized my true passion: women.

Yeah, I was pretty young when I came out. So what. I knew what I wanted, and I was going to get it. And I had someone to help me too. Can you guess? Ashley. She'd known that fact about herself for a while, and she was the first person I went to about it. After I had concluded that I did like vagina, I told my parents, and they were cool with it. As for Ashley and me? We didn't start immediately dating like you're probably thinking, but we did become more close than I ever thought we would.

So then I spent the next two years dating a plethora of girls. I didn't lose my "girl" virginity until I met the girl I thought was _the one. _Her name was Robin Perlman, and we were "in love" for eight months before she popped my cherry. That was at the end of sophomore year, and right at the beginning of summer, she broke my heart. Shattered it really. Like, I didn't know what to do with myself after that. And who do you think was there? Yeah you guessed it again. Ashley.

She hung out with me all summer. She neglected her family, her "girlfriends", even Aiden and Glen. That certainly put a damper on things. But I needed her. She really made me realize that what Robin and I had wasn't real. She did make me realize that what I had with her was real though. But she did that without meaning too.

I really don't want to say that I fell for her that summer. But I would be lying. It started out as a stupid crush. She was older than me, more experienced, and my older brother's best friend. But she was _my_ best friend too right? Friends become more all the time right? That was my though process for the whole summer. Always trying to talk myself into making that move. But I would never, nope, that wasn't me. If she wanted more, she would ask for it, not me. And then one night, she did.

It was the last week of summer. Me and her were sitting very close to each other on the beach, talking. That is what we usually did. Talk. We had gotten so close that we could talk about anything and everything. I loved that. Then she just stopped talking, she looked away from me too. She had never done that before. She always looked right into my eyes when we talked or even when weren't talking. I loved too.

"Ashley?" I asked.

She looked very… pensive. She was thinking, thinking really hard.

"What are thinking about?"

"Kissing you." It was as simple as that. She was the never type to beat around the bush.

"Then do it."

And that was it. I can't really explain how amazing that kiss was. I can't really explain how amazing she was. I also can't really explain how amazing it is that her and I were only together three weeks.

Yeah, three weeks. I bet you weren't expecting that right? The first week of our relationship was great, but then school started, and it just… went downhill from there. You know what? I can't even say we were together, she never called me get girlfriend, nor did we ever talk about what we were. Ashley was… immature about things. Which was weird because she was older than me?

When we were alone, she was okay, she was like she was in the summer. But in school and other places? She was such a… _player. _I hate to use that word, but it was true.She would constantly flirt with other girls in front of me. And she even told me she fucked some other people when we were "dating".

Needless to say, we didn't work out. Ashley was clearly not ready for the commitment that I wanted from her. And then it was over, just like that. We stopped talking, and I missed her way more than I thought I would.

I spent the rest of my junior year in a blur. Nothing exciting happened, I dated a few girls but none of them ever stuck. Ashley, Aiden, and Glen graduated, and I was all alone for senior year. Well I wasn't really alone I guess. I was head cheerleader, student body president, and I had tons of "friends", but inside? I felt more alone than I had ever before.

After I graduated I chose the college that was farthest away from everyone, but still complying with my parents. If it was up to me I would have moved across the country. But across the state was as far as I could get.

When I moved to San Francisco, I was the biggest loner. Freshman year came and went, and I passed with flying colors. I only came home in the summer for two weeks, and I stayed inside my house mostly. Thank God Glen had moved out by then. My sophomore year of college, I met Chelsea Lewis. She became my best friend, and introduced me to a lot of people. One person in particular. Or girl actually. Her name was Samantha Bradley, and with her I wanted to do things right. So we took things slow, _very, very, slow._ We didn't become official until about four months after meeting each other. Eventually it was hard to take things slow, and I ended up moving into her apartment about ten months later. And we have been living together ever since.

So I guess this brings us to the present right? Oh wait, I didn't really explain how I got back to LA did I? Well, Sam was at work one day(she works at a coffee shop by our apartment), and I was just sitting at our dinner table on my laptop typing an article for the magazine I worked for(did I mention that I was a journalism major in college?) when my phone rang. It was my brother. _Great, _I thought. I loved him, don't get me wrong, but he had been trying to get me to come home for a little bit in the summer, because I hadn't been home in a while.

I was really adamant, because I didn't really like LA. That city brought back too many bad memories.

"Hello?"

"_Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Baby sis, how are ya?" _

I smiled. I did miss him. "I'm great, Glen. How are you?"

"_Not too good. I just really, really, miss my little sister. I haven't seen in her in such a long time." _

"Glen," I sighed.

"_Look, just hear me out okay? __Mom and Dad__ are going on this cruise thing. They're going to be gone for a while, and I was thinking you could come home, and stay in my guest room at my house!"_

"I don't know about that…"

"_Pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasee, Spence. Come on. I miss you so much, and this would be so much better than staying at Mom and Dad's like you usually do when you visit, you could stay here, and we could do a whole bunch of stuff, and… just come on! Please, Spence." _

"All right. Fine, I'll come. How long?"

"_Three weeks would be great right?" _

"No, Glen. One week."

"_Two?" _

I sighed. "Fine."

"_HEY! Sam could come too!"_ That definitely made me feel better about going. Two weeks with my girlfriend in California? That sounded pretty good to me.

That didn't end up working out. Obviously. Because the world hates me. Sam couldn't get the time off work, and she really needs the money so, I was flying solo. Literally.

All right now this brings us to the present right? The cab pulled up to my brother's house and he greeted me with the biggest hug ever.

He carried all my bags upstairs to his room and set them down on the bed I would be sleeping on for the next two weeks.

"So, Spence, are you ready for tonight?" He was really excited about something.

"What's tonight?" I asked, as I started to unpack.

"Oh, I didn't tell you? I'm having a rager tonight! It's about to be RIDICULOUS!"

I rolled my eyes. Typical of my twenty-four year old brother to have a huge party on a Wednesday night.

"Whatever, Glen."

He sat on the bed. "Oh hey, Aiden and Ashley are going to be here. You're cool with that right?"

When I heard Ashley's name, I tensed a bit, but it was gone. I was over her, I had Sam. "Yeah why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know," He shrugged. "Just thought maybe it would be weird with two of your ex's in the same place with you."

"I would hardly call Ashley my ex."

"Yeah, but you guys made out _a lot._"

"Okay," I walked over to wear her was sitting, pulled him up, and started to push him towards the door. "I'm gonna go take a shower, and relax a bit, k? I'll be down later."

He put his hands up. "All right, All right, I get it. You want me to leave. But you better be ready to spend the next two weeks with your big bro, okay?"

"Yeah, okay, bye, Glen."

He left the room, and I took a deep breath, thinking about seeing Ashley for the first time in five years. I wondered if she looked any different. I wondered if she looked as good as she did when I knew her. _Well this should be fun, _I thought.


	2. Hands Down

**A/N: Thank you to the reviewers, and all of the people who put this story on story alert and things like that. This is my first fic on here, and I just appreciate the feedback, so thanks. Also, I apologize for the mistakes in the first chapter, and possibly the ones in this. I'm trying to proof-read better, but I don't have a lot of time too. And I'm also sorry for posting this and then taking it down right away. I had some difficulties at first, but all is good now. Anyway, here's chapter two. Enjoy. :)**

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**Chapter Two: Hands Down**

After Glen left, I was really about to take a shower, but then my cell phone rang. I pulled it out and the caller ID said, "Samantha Bradley".

_Shit, _I thought. I was supposed to call her when I got to LA. She was probably so worried.

"Hello?"

"_Spencer? Spencer are you okay?" _

"Yeah, Sam. I'm fine, I-"

"_Oh, thank God. I thought something happened to you, or something happened to the train, and-"_ Her voice got very soft. _"Why didn't you call me, babe?"_

That's my girlfriend for you. Even though she's been sitting at our apartment for God knows how long waiting for me to call her, she still is perfectly polite and loving to me.

"Well, when I got here, Glen and I started talking, and I just completely forgot. I'm sorry, Sammy." Even though I knew she wasn't mad at me(because she never was), I still called her by her nickname, because she loved to hear me say it.

"_It's okay, Spence,"_ I could tell she was smiling. _"So how is it so far?"_

"It's good. Glen's having a party tonight though,"

She laughed. _"Your brother would have a party on a Wednesday night." _

"Yeah… and all of his idiot friends are coming,"

"_Wait, his friends as in two of your exes?" _

"Uh, yeah, Aiden and Ashley. You know you have nothing to worry about, Sam."

"_I could care less about Aiden or whatever, Spence. It's this Ashley girl who you were so close with…" _

"Ashley and I were together for like, three weeks, and she wasn't even committed to me. You know that. You just have to trust me."

"_Of course I trust you. I trust you with everything in me. It's her I don't trust." _

I felt my heart swell for this girl. Sometimes I just couldn't handle the things she said to me.

"Sam, like I said, you have nothing to worry about. I promise, okay?"

"_Okay, Spencer." _

"I got to get in the shower now, but I'll call you before I go to bed tonight, k?"

"_Okay. I love you," _

"I love you too. Bye."

"_Bye." _

* * *

A couple hours later, after my shower, I wandered down the stairs, hearing the one voice that I had tried to forget for the past five years. She was talking to Aiden and Glen about something, or someone actually. I stopped on the stairs before they could see me, to snoop a little. Don't judge, okay?

"…She's just getting really clingy, you guys. I mean, I like her, a lot, but god," Ashley was saying. "Does she need to call me every two point five seconds to know where I'm at? We're not even together for Christ sakes!"

"Oh come on, Ash," That was Aiden talking. "She doesn't call you every two point five seconds, it's more like three." He laughed along with the other two. "But, seriously though, this is your fault, you know that right? You get involved with these girls who want a relationship, when you clearly don't."

" I really do like her though…" It sounded like she was trying to convince herself more than Aiden and Glen.

"She's not coming tonight is she?" Glen asked. Ashley must have said shook her head, because Glen continued. "Good. Because you don't need her around when there is going to be all these fucking hot girls here tonight!"

I rolled my eyes. _What a loser, _I thought.

"Speaking of fucking hot girls," Ashley again. "Where's your sister at?"

My jaw dropped. I was flattered, honestly. Is that bad?

"Hey, hey, hey, don't be talking about her like that. One, she's _my sister_. And two, she's got a girlfriend."

"Really? Damn,"

Okay, I couldn't hear any more of this. I continued my descent down the stairs, rather loudly, and made my way into the living room.

As soon as Ashley's face saw me, it lit up, and I was flattered another time. Again, is that bad?

"Hey Spencer, you remember, Aiden and Ashley?" Glen said.

"Yeah of course," I smiled as I hugged Aiden first, then I looked at Ashley, because she was staring at me.

"Hi, Spencer," She smiled, and I really want to say that I didn't feel anything from it, but… how can I not? I mean, I was _in love_ with this girl.

"Hey, Ash," I said shyly.

She moved to hug me, and I thought, _why the hell not? _When we hugged, it was longer than we should have, but no one was objecting.

After we pulled apart, she held onto my arms for a little, then let go with a small sigh.

"It's good to see you," She said.

"You too."

* * *

When the party finally started, it was, to put it in simpler terms, a _hot mess_. Most of the girls there, just threw themselves over Aiden, Ashley, and Glen, and I had to resist the urge to roll my eyes numerous times.

At one point, Ashley walked into the kitchen where I was currently hiding out.

"Hey, why're you hiding in here?" She asked, and I was surprised that she wasn't slurring her words, and stumbling all over the place. I had seen her throw quite a few back tonight. She must be able to hold her liquor well.

I shrugged. "This whole party," I waved my hands around. "It's not really my thing."

She nodded. "So…" She moved closer to where I was standing and stared into my eyes. "How've you been, Spence?"

Her eyes were so intense. Why was she looking at me like that? "Um… well, I've been… good."

"That's good."

"Yeah, it is." We continued to stare at each other until she looked away.

"I wanted to call you… but," She just stopped talking.

"But what?"

"I figured you didn't want to talk to me."

_Got that right, _I though. "Why would you think that?"

"I don't know… we just, kind of, left things on bad terms you know?"

I sighed. Oh know. Word vomit. "You mean, you treated our relationship as a joke, and I had to end it because of that?" Oh. My. God. Why did I just say that?

Her eyebrows rose. "Woah. Are we really going there right now?"

"No, I just-" I stopped talking. Why was I explaining myself to this girl? "I can't do this, Ashley." I started to walk away, but she grabbed my arm.

"Spencer,"

"Don't," I stared straight into her eyes. "Just, don't okay? I didn't come here to see you, or to get excuses from you. I'm here for my brother, and that's it."

She let go, and as I walked away from her, I felt like I was in high school all over again. All I wanted to do was curl up in my bed in San Francisco, and forget this girl ever existed. But, I had been trying to do that for five years, and it still wasn't working.


	3. Feeling Sorry

**A/N: So I probably shouldn't have started a story with school starting(senior year! woo!) in less than a week... With that being said updates are going to be very random and sporadic after this week. I will try to get as much up before next week, but I'm not promising anything. So bear with me guys. Thank you for the reviews they mean a lot. **

**MittNacht: Just wanted to say that you're absolutely right that Ashley should work to get Spencer, and trust me, she will. ;) **

**Here's chapter three. Enjoy. **

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Chapter Three: Feeling Sorry

I went upstairs to my room after walking away from Ashley. I debated giving Sam a call, but she would know that I was upset, and I how was able to explain that?

Why after five years did this girl still make me feel this way? I was so angry at her still, for doing what she did to me. I seriously thought I was over it, but I guess I wasn't. I mean, all it took was one little talk with her to make all that anger come back to me like that.

After awhile, I went back downstairs, and I regret it completely. Ashley was on the couch making out with some blonde girl, who had possibly the shortest jean skirt on I had ever seen.

I shook my head; apparently she hadn't changed at all.

Aiden noticed me hanging out around the bottom of the staircase and walked over.

"Hey, Spencer, what are you doing over here?"

"I was just, uh, upstairs, and I just came back down."

He nodded. He looked a little buzzed, so I don't think he cared that what I just said sounded completely stupid.

"Who's that girl Ashley's with?"

He glanced over, and then turned back to me. "Oh, that's Lauren Thompson. Ashley's 'kind of' girlfriend," He put air quotes on, 'kind of'.

"What do you mean, 'kind of'"?

"I don't know really know… they've been on and off for a couple months now, but you know Ash. She doesn't commit to anyone. Ever," Yeah, I definitely knew that. "So, yeah, according to Ashley they aren't together, but Lauren likes to tell everyone that they are, because she's pretty much in love with Ash."

I nodded. Lauren looked very skanky, but then again it was easy to look like a whore when another person basically had their hands up your skirt.

"I thought she wasn't supposed to come tonight though?" I asked.

"Well she- Wait, how'd you know that?"

"Ohh, um, lucky guess?"

"Cool. Well, she called Ashley bitching about where she was and shit, Ash told her, and poof, there's Lauren."

"Do you like her?"

"NO. She's a _bitch_. Plain and simple."

"So why does Ashley continue to see her?"

Aiden laughed. He looked over at Ashley and Lauren again. "That's why."

I glanced over too, only to see Lauren leading Ashley into the bathroom, and closing the door behind them.

"That's disgusting."

This only made Aiden laugh more, so I rolled my eyes, and went back upstairs.

* * *

I stayed in my room for the rest of the night, and the next morning I woke rather early. I've always been a morning person, and anyone who has ever dated me, hated the fact.

It was around eight o' clock when I came down the stairs, freshly showered and dressed, only to find Ashley face down on the couch fast asleep. Aiden, dead to the world, was sprawled out on the floor.

I went to the kitchen to raid Glen's fridge, but there was no point, because all he had was this: half a gallon of milk, steak sauce, a container filled with… I don't even want to know actually, and three pieces of sliced cheese.

"Hey," I jumped, startled at the voice, and whipped around instantly. It was Ashley.

"Shit, gosh, you scared me," I put my hand over my heart.

She smiled a little, amused. "Sorry,"

"It's okay," I mumbled and turned back around.

I heard Ashley sigh behind me. Why couldn't she just leave? Oh right, she's been best friends with my brother since kindergarten, and she's probably here every day.

"Glen never has any food," She chuckled. I guess she was trying to make conversation.

"Yeah, I see that," I said that coldly, so that maybe she would get the hint to just leave me alone.

Instead, she sighed. Again.

I tried a different approach. I faced her and said, "Did you need something?"

"Look, Spencer, I… I just want to talk. Do you think we could do that?"

I just looked at her.

"We could, go get breakfast? Maybe…?"

Now it was my turn to sigh. "Fine."

* * *

I don't really know why I agreed to go with Ashley. I don't really know why I even dated her in the first place. If I hadn't, all of this wouldn't be happening. Wait, I know why. Because I loved her. Sometimes I hate love.

We ordered our food, and that's when it got kind of awkward. Neither of us said a word for about five minutes. I looked everywhere except her face, and she looked at nothing except my face.

I couldn't take the silence anymore, so I broke it. "You wanted to talk. So talk."

She seemed to snap out of a trance when I spoke. "Right, right. Um… I don't really know where to start…"

I didn't say anything.

"But, I guess I'll start by saying that I'm sorry. For everything,"

"I'm not looking for an apology, Ashley."

"I know. I know that. But I also wanted to explain to you some things. Things about why I was, the way I was, back in high school."

"I told you, I'm not looking for excuses either."

"I know that also. And these aren't excuses. I promise."

I looked away. There was a girl at the counter with her head down, and a boy next to her was shaking her, trying to get her awake. Must have been a rough night.

"So will you listen to me?"

I glanced back at her. "I'm here, aren't I?"

She nodded. "Yes, you are. Okay, so… when we were in high school, I always liked you, Spence. Before you even came out, I had a crush on you. And I knew it was wrong, cause you were my best friends little sister. That's just not good, but I couldn't help myself. And when you were with Aiden, God," She shook her head. "I hated it. He's my best friend, but all I wanted to do was punch his face in everyday.

"Then when you told me were gay, you have no idea how happy I was. For awhile I thought we had a chance, but then came Robin. And I realized that I hated her because she was with you even more than I hated Aiden when he was with you. And when she dumped you… I had no choice but to be there for you.

"That summer, Spence? It was _the best_ summer I had ever had. And I fell so hard for you, that it's ridiculous," She laughed. "And-and, I knew you were just waiting for me to make a move, but it was so hard for me,"

"Why?" I whispered.

"Because I knew myself, Spence. I knew I would hurt you somehow, some way, and I didn't want to do that. I _couldn't _let that happen. You had been through too much. But, that night when we were at the beach, all I could think about was kissing you. You were so beautiful, you still are…"

It was so hard to process what she was saying to me. I always knew that she cared for me, but I didn't know the extent of it.

"After that night, I hated myself. I slipped up. Badly. I shouldn't have let that happen, you were still vulnerable, and I just… took advantage of you," She looked down.

"You didn't take advantage of me, Ashley. I wanted you. More than anything,"

She looked up at my face again. "Really?"

"Yes. I admit that I was depressed after Robin broke up with me. But you were there, and you helped me _so much_."

She closed her eyes.

"You made me realize that what she and I had wasn't real. At all."

Her eyes opened again and she took a deep breath. "This is the hardest part…"

"What is?"

"When we were 'together', I did all of the things I did because I figured it would drive you away from me, and it worked."

"So you, flirted with other girls in front of me, and acted like an asshole on purpose?"

"Yeah. I was an idiot; I thought that if I hurt you in the beginning of our relationship that I wouldn't give myself a chance to _seriously_ hurt you if we stayed together."

I sat back in the booth. She did all of those things on purpose?

"I knew I wasn't ready for commitment. What I did, Spencer, it was wrong. I realized now that I should've just told you what was really going on, and maybe things would've worked out better for us than they did, but-"

At that moment, our food arrived, but I suddenly wasn't hungry anymore.


	4. I'll Be There For You

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I'm extremely sorry for the wait, but school started and it's already killing me. So I'm very sorry for just posting this now. I would also like to say that if this feels rushed, then it may be because it kind of is lol. I can't really help it, but I just like to see things get done, so that's just how I write. This is kind of short, but I promise the next ones will be longer.

Thanks for all of the reviews. Here's chapter four. Enjoy.

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**Chapter Four: I'll Be There For You **

The car ride home was very silent, save for Ashley sighing every three minutes. I have decided that I hate hearing her sigh. It's very annoying.

Just when I thought things were finally going to be over between us, and maybe we would just not talk for the rest of my visit in LA, Ashley pulls her car over to the side of the road. She turned her whole body to face me.

"What are you doing?" I looked at her.

"Okay, so I know I've talked a lot already, but this is last time I will. If you don't want anything to do with me, that's fine, I guess… But I just want you to know how incredibly sorry I am for screwing things up with us. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about you. About what we had. Because above everything else, we were _best friends_. And I just," She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I miss you."

She missed me. _She_ missed _me. _All these years, I've been thinking about how much I missed her, and missed our friendship; she's been missing me too.

"I miss you too, Ash…"

She smiled. "So do you think we could, maybe, _try_ to be friends again? I mean, we don't have to be best friends, but just, we could start talking again, you know?"

This was just too much, too fast. "I don't know… Can I think about it?"

She nodded, disappointed. "Yeah, of course."

* * *

When we got home, I went straight upstairs and fell onto my bed. I stared at the ceiling for awhile, not really thinking about anything until I realized I hadn't looked at my phone at all this morning. I grabbed it out of my purse. Sam had called and left a voicemail. _God,_ I thought. I hadn't thought about her at all today. I listened to the voicemail.

"_Hey babe, it's me. I just wanted to say good morning, and that I hope you had fun last night. Well… not too much fun, right?"_ She laughed, but I could tell there was some seriousness in her voice. _"Okay, just, give me a call when you're free cause I know you want to spend time with your brother… What? Okay… Uh, Chelsea's here, and I guess she wants to say- Hey,ow! Stop! Hi, Spence! It's Chelsea, and I hope you're having a blast in LA, but don't forget about me, your best friend, all right? I'm expecting a call from you soon. Okay, Sam's getting pissy now… haha, love you, Spence…"_

There was some rustling in the background then Sam starting talking again. _"Sorry about that, she just punched me in the arm and grabbed my phone even though I was about to hand it to her… Anyway, like I said, call me when you're free. I love you, Spencer. Bye." _

I set my phone down, and decided against calling either one of them. They would both be able to know something was wrong, even if they couldn't see me.

I really needed to figure out what I was going to do about Ashley, too.

My thoughts starting to wander back to high school, and all of the time Ashley and I spent together. One time, in particular, really stuck out.

We were at my house, and it was almost a month after Robin had dumped me. I was still pretty depressed about it, but Ashley was the only one who could fully cheer me up. That was one of the reasons why I always wanted to be around her.

I remember that Ashley was over because Robin had called me, asking if she could come by and get some of her stuff that I still had. I said yes, and after she had come and gone, I just broke down. Of course, I called Ashley, and of course, she came running. She always did.

"_Did she say anything to you?" Ashley asked me as we sat cross legged, facing each other on my bed. _

_I shook my head. "Nothing really. She just asked how I was doing…" _

"_What'd you say?" _

"_I said I was fine," I looked down. _

_She grabbed my chin and pulled my face up to look at hers. "You're not fine." It wasn't a question, it was a statement. _

"_I'm not." I whispered, and looked away from her. _

"_Spencer, look at me. Please." Something in her voice, made me do it. I don't know what it was, but she had such a way of making me do things I didn't really want to do. Or did want to, but was just too scared to do in this case. _

"_I know I've said this to you so many times before, but I'm going to keep saying it until you understand. She didn't deserve you. Not at all. You deserve the world, Spence. And so much more… God, I hate seeing you like this." _

_She took her hand off my chin and ran it through my hair instead. Then she rested it on my cheek. _

_I closed my eyes and leaned into her hand. "Thank you," I whispered. _

"_For what?" _

"_For saying everything I need to hear. For coming here, for always coming here when I need you." _

"_I'm always here, Spence. Whenever you need me, I'm here." _

She was such a good friend to me back then. And I missed that. I missed that a lot. Friend. Friends. Could I handle being her friend again? Could _she_ handle being my friend again?

My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Come in," I said.

The door opened, and Ashley walked in. "I know you said you wanted to think and shit, but I just can't sit and wait anymore."

"Ash, it's been like twenty minutes."

"I know, I know, but I'm an impatient person. You know that," She smiled at me and it made me happy. Just like it used too.

My mind made up, I got up and stood in front of her. I took a deep breath. "Let's try this. Let's try to be friends again."

"Really?" She looked shocked, happy, and relieved all at once.

"Yes, really." I smiled.

She automatically threw her arms around my waist and pulled me into a tight hug. I responded my wrapper my arms around her neck. She smelled good. She had always smelled good.

She pulled back, but kept her arms still around me. It should have bothered me, but it didn't.

"Thank you, Spence. You won't regret this. I promise."

As she hugged me again, I hoped more than anything that she was telling the truth.


	5. Terrified

**As promised, this chapter is longer than the last. Thank you for the reviews. I got five since I posted chapter four, and I'm glad to see people are still interested. **

**Here is chapter five. Props to you if you get the Jersey Shore reference. Enjoy. :) **

* * *

Chapter Five: Terrified

The next couple of days were weird to say the least, well fun, but weird too. I spent most of my time with Glen(what I came here for, I keep telling myself), but where there's Glen, there is also Aiden and Ashley. And where there's Aiden, there's Glen and Ashley. And where there is Ashley, there is… yeah, Aiden and Glen.

So basically, I hung out with, what I liked to call them, The Three Musketeers. They really did spend every waking moment together. I mean, they were like this in high school, but I never thought it would be like this now.

I hate to say it, but it _was_ like high school all over again. Ashley and I were friends, I was with my brother, and Aiden was, well… he was just there.

I found out from Ashley and Glen that Aiden was pretty much in love with Ashley's younger sister, Kyla. Sound familiar? They weren't together, and when I asked why, they both kind of avoided the question and then changed the subject. I didn't really understand, but I also didn't really care.

Ashley and I finally got a chance to be alone during the day on Saturday, when Aiden and Glen decided to "GLT." No, not GTL. GLT, which means Get Lots of Tacos. Yeah, just, don't ask.

We made some sandwiches for lunch, and just… talked. It felt so nice to just talk to her. It was so _familiar. _Like we hadn't not seen each other for the past five years. It was like we had picked up right where we left off.

We eventually got onto the subject of Lauren, and Ashley tried to change the subject many times. But I wasn't letting her.

"I just don't get it. What do you see in her?" I knew _exactly_ what Ashley saw in Lauren, but I was curious to see how she explained it.

"Well… it's very complicated… you see, Lauren is… ahh, how do I put this…? Well, she's very _unique_."

I scrunched by eyebrows together in confusion. Unique? She seemed like every other skank-whore out there.

Ashley saw my confusion, and laughed. "Okay, so maybe unique isn't the best word to describe her, but she's just…"

"A bitch? A whore?"

Ashley laughed out loud, throwing her head back. I couldn't help but notice her very smooth looking neck… woah, Samantha. Sam. Sammy. I shook my head to get rid of the thoughts.

"Yeah, she's a bitch. But she's not whore," She paused. "Well, not anymore."

"What is that mean?"

"It means that, before me, Lauren… got around. A lot. But she stopped."

"Why do you think that is?"

Ashley shrugged. "Because she's in love with me. She doesn't want anyone else. But, me on the other hand…"

I rolled my eyes. "So, you see other girls?"

She smirked. "Of course, Spencer. She does _not_ tie me down. No girl does, you know that."

"Yeah," I nodded. "I mean, not even I could, right?"

She looked down at her hands. Whoops, looks like I hit a nerve.

Still staring at her hands, she answered, "Yeah, but with you it was different."

"How?" I asked softly.

"I told you… I didn't do those things because I didn't want you to tie me down, I did them so I wouldn't tie _you_ down."

"Yeah, I know," I took a deep breath. "It's just… hard to comprehend sometimes, you know?"

She finally looked at me again. "I know."

For awhile, we stayed like that. Brown to blue. She was silently telling me something with her eyes, but I didn't want to hear anything she was trying to tell me. Or, I was too scared to hear it.

"I need to tell you something."

Oh God. Whatever she had to tell me, sounded very important. I couldn't handle this right now. Ashley and I were just starting to be good again. Why is she going to ruin it like this?

"Spencer, I still-"

"WHO WANTS TACOS?" Glen screamed, while the door flew open.

He and Aiden, very ungracefully, walked through the living room carrying two large bags of, what I assumed to be, a lot of tacos.

Ashley stood up to go chow down with Aiden and Glen, but I could tell she was not happy.

I heard her sigh as she opened a taco, and I secretly thanked the Lord for GLT.

* * *

I went upstairs, and decided to call my girlfriend, because for the past couple days it felt like I didn't really have one. Gosh, that sounds bad doesn't it? I really need to get my shit together.

"_Hey babe!"_ I could tell she was smiling. She must be really happy that I'm calling.

"Hey, how are you?" I asked as I flopped down onto my bed.

"_Good, I'm just sitting here at work."_

"Oh, you're at work? Want me to call you back?" It was a Saturday afternoon, of course she was at work. She always worked Saturdays. I knew this, what's wrong with me?

"_No, no. It's dead right now. Rob told me I could take my break early. What have you been up to today?" _

"Nothing much. I've just been hanging out with, Glen, Aiden, and Ashley mostly. Today, Glen and Aiden, went to, 'GLT'."

"'_GLT'? Don't you mean, 'GTL'?" _

"No, G. L. T. It means Get Lots of Tacos... they're such idiots."

Sam was laughing, and it was nice to hear her laugh. Even though there was another brunette still in the back of my mind.

"_So… you've been hanging out with Ashley a lot…?" _

"Uh, yeah. Why? Is that a problem?"

"_No, Spence, of course not. It's just, from the things I've heard about her from you, she doesn't seem like such a good person." _

"Actually, Samantha, she's a great person. I'm glad her and I can be friends again." I was getting a little mad. Why? I didn't really know.

"_Woah, why are you getting so defensive?" _

"I'm _not_. You just don't know her, okay? And I shouldn't have let you get the assumption that she was a bad person. Because she's not."

"_Okay, Spence. I get it. I guess I just didn't think you and her would be spending a lot of time together, that's all. Calm down, all right?" _

"I am calm, Sam."

"_Okay… um, I got to go now… call me tonight?"_

"Yeah.

"_I love you." _

"Love you too, bye."

I shut my phone and threw it on my bed. I can't believe I just got mad at her like that. _I'm _the one who told her everything about Ashley, why wouldn't she think she's a bad person? I think I'm losing it.

* * *

When I came back downstairs a little while later, Aiden and Glen, still eating tacos, were watching some college football game. They were screaming pretty loud at the TV, and I wondered why I couldn't hear it from upstairs.

"WHAT THE HELL?" Glen.

"THAT'S BULLSHIT!" Aiden.

"I LOVE TACOSSS! MMMM!" Glen. My brother is an idiot.

"Where's Ashley?" I asked.

"Porch, I think." Aiden answered, with a full mouth.

I went outside, and sure enough, there was Ashley, smoking. Gross.

"Ugh, you still smoke?" She was sitting on the steps, both arms draped across her knees. Her head was on her arms, as a cigarette was stuck between two of her fingers.

She lifted her head and looked at me. "Not as much as I used too," She said, then took a drag of her cancer stick.

"I used _hate_ it." I said as I sat down next her on the steps. I moved over a little, to get away from the smoke.

She laughed.

"It can kill you."

She gasped, while putting a hand over her mouth in mock surprise. "Really? Oh my God, I didn't know that. I should put this out right now!"

I rolled my eyes. "You haven't changed at all, you know that?"

She pursed her lips. "Well, I don't entirely agree with that. I mean, I think I've changed a little…" She chuckled.

"No, not really."

"Yes, yes really."

"What's different about you then?" I raised my eyebrows in challenge.

She fell silent, thinking.

"Well?"

"Okay, maybe you're _somewhat_ right. But, there are some differences. I would need more time to think though." She nodded.

"Oh, really?"

"Yes." She smirked. "So, I'll get back to you on that."

I shook my head, and laughed. We spent the next couple hours talking. She never brought up what she was planning to tell me earlier, and I was super glad that she didn't. It was kind of like it never happened. I hoped that she wouldn't try to tell me again anytime soon.


	6. Pieces

**: Yes, my name is taken from the Ingrid Michaelson song. When I was making my account it was playing off my iPod so I decided to make the lyric my name lol. **

**Enjoy. :) **

* * *

Chapter Six: Pieces

"_Will you just tell me what's wrong? Please." I stared at the back of her head. She wasn't moving from her position from across the room. So I did. I walked to her, and put a hand on her shoulder. _

"_Robin?" She still didn't move. _

"_Please just talk to me." I begged. _

"_I think we should stop seeing each other, Spencer." _

_I snatched my hand off her shoulder, like it had burned me. _

"_What?" I whispered. _

_She finally turned around. I had never seen her bright green eyes so cold and lifeless before. _

"_You heard me." _

"_But, why? Robin… I love you." _

_She shook her head. "I don't love you. I thought I did, but… I don't." She walked out after saying that. Walked right out of my life, just like that. _

_I couldn't do anything except stand there, broken. _

_A couple minutes later, I called Ashley. I didn't know what else to do. _

"_Are you okay?" _

"_No… I'm really not." I let out a large sob that I was trying to hold in._

"_I'm on my way." _

* * *

The next day, when I talked to Sam, we got into another fight. This time it was bigger. I said something about Ashley and she got very pissed, which in turn, got me pissed.

I hung up on her.

Never, have I _ever_ gotten so mad at her, that I've hung up on her or stopped talking to her.

Sam and I don't fight. We just don't. And it scares me that now, of all times, we have started.

I tried calling Chelsea, but she didn't pick up. So, here I am, crying, in my bed, alone.

Sam hasn't even tried to call be back.

My phone rang. Hoping it was Sam, I grabbed it and immediately answered, not even bothering to look at the caller ID.

"Hello?"

"_Hey."_ It was Ashley.

I sighed. Not that I wasn't happy at all to talk to her, because I really was, but I didn't want Sam to be mad at me anymore, or vice versa.

"_You okay?" _

Do I tell her I'm upset? Maybe she'll come over, like she used too.

"No… not really."

"_I'm on my way." _

* * *

After we had talked, I felt so much better. She didn't pry when I told her I had gotten into it with Sam. Another thing that made her such a good person. She was just there for me. That was all I needed at the moment.

We were lying on my bed. Both turned on our sides, facing each other.

"Can I ask you something, Spence?"

"Of course."

"Do you think that… do you think that we would have lasted? You know, if I hadn't been a tool," She chuckled.

I closed my eyes. I really didn't want to answer this. "Honestly? No, probably not…"

She didn't look hurt, or upset. She just looked calm. "Why?"

"Well, I mean, even if you hadn't messed things up, I think one of us would have sooner or later. We were young, and naïve. I like to think that's why Robin and I didn't make it."

"But what you and I had was _real_. With Robin, it was just two kids thinking they were in love. I really did love you."

I looked away from her eyes, because they were just too intense for me to stare at right now. Hearing her say these words, saying them so close to me, was making my heart race incredibly fast.

"Spence, will you look at me, please?" No. Please no. I can't do this. I really can't.

I looked at her.

"I still lo-" She was cut off by my cell phone. Thank the Lord once again.

"I should, uh, get that," I rolled over, grabbed it off the night stand and looked and the caller ID.

It was Sam. I answered.

"_Spencer? I'm so, so, so, sorry. I didn't mean make you mad, I really didn't. I just-"_

"Sam. Its fine."

"_Are you sure?" _

"Yes, I'm sure."

"_Okay, I have to get back to work now. But, I love you. More than anything, Spencer." _

I smiled faintly, while my heart started to break a little.

"I love you too." I said quietly, hoping Ashley didn't hear.

After, I hung up, and turned back around.

She was nowhere in sight.

* * *

I went downstairs to find her, but Glen said she had left, not saying anything. He asked if I knew what was wrong with her. I said I didn't know.

I sat down on the couch with him, and tried to get into the football game he was watching. I was having no such luck.

All I could think about was Ashley. The night she kissed me for the first time just kept replaying in my head over and over again, and it was getting harder for me to get my heart to stop aching when I thought about it. I knew what she had wanted to tell me, both times. I couldn't accept it though. Sam popped up in my mind a couple times, and that made my heart hurt even more because of the way I was _hurting_ her.

I got a text a couple minutes later. It was from Chelsea.

_Hey, are you and Sam okay? She called me crying, then you called me at the same time. Sorry I didn't answer. She didn't really tell me what happened, just said that you were really angry with her. She sounded so upset, Spence. I had to go to work though, so I had to hang up with her. _

Cue my heart breaking some more. Sighing, I texted back.

_Yeah, we're okay now, I guess. We've kind of been fighting since I got to LA. Call me when you're off work, I'll tell you all about it. _

I got a reply in less than a minute.

_Okay, I will. But, can you at least tell me what the fighting has been about? You two don't normally fight. _

Me: _I know, we don't. I'll just say one word: Ashley. _

Chelsea:_ Oh God. Okay, I'll call you in a little. _

When she called me back about an hour later, I quickly went outside on the porch to take the call. I didn't need Glen listening in on my conversation.

"Hey, Chels."

"_Okay, tell me everything." _

"Dang, can't even get a 'Hi'?"

"_Hi. Now start talking." _

"All right, all right. Well, basically…" I sat there and told her most of what happened. From Ashley telling me about how our relationship really was in high school, her and I becoming friends again, to my fighting with Sam.

"_Wow. Okay, I have to ask this one question first: do you still love Ashley?" _

I almost dropped my cell phone. What?

"What?"

She sighed. _"You heard me."_

"I-I-I-I… No… I… I don't. I don't, Chelsea."

"_Spencer. Come on." _

"I don't! I mean, I don't think I do… No, no. I don't, I love Sam." I said firmly, well as firm as I could get at that moment.

"_Let me ask this then. Do you still have any… lingering feelings for her?" _

Now that I didn't exactly know. "Not that I can tell, Chels. I mean, of course, I still think she's attractive. She's beautiful, always has been. And she's nice, and funny, and smart, and… just, very adorable sometimes, but that doesn't mean I still like her…"

"_Sounds to me like you still like her, love her even." _

"What makes you think that?" I sighed.

"_Well, for one, you just described her in a way one would describe their significant other. Two, you defended her, her being a girl you haven't really been friends with in five years, to your girlfriend. And three… well, just the fact that you forgave her is a big thing." _

"Forgave her? What do you mean?"

"_Spence, the girl was __**horrible**__ to you. She treated you like shit when you were together, and acted as if your relationship was a joke." _

"But… she did that on purpose. She did it because she cared about me."

"_I get that, I really do. But that was a pretty terrible way of showing it." _

She was right. She was completely and totally right, and I hated it.

"_Look, Spence. Its normal for you to still have some old feelings for your first real love. But, this doesn't sound like the case here. It sounds like more to me."_

"I love Sam, Chelsea."

"_I know you do…"_ She sighed. _"I think you need to do some thinking." _

Once again, she was right. We hung up, and I decided to sit on the porch for awhile.

I heard a car pull up, so I looked up from my hands, and saw the last person I wanted to see in Ashley's car.

She and Lauren looked they were fighting, and they obviously didn't see me. I could see Ashley rolling her eyes as Lauren continued to bitch away about something. Finally, Ashley lent over and kissed her on the lips to get her to shut up, I'm assuming. It worked, because there they were, full on making out in front of Glen's house, with me watching.

Suddenly, I felt sick to my stomach, and I knew exactly why.


	7. I Believe In A Thing Called Love

**All right everyone, this is about halfway through now, and this is somewhat shore because it is sort of a filler, I guess. I just want to let everyone know that in the next chapters after this one, shit is about to hit the fan lol. So, be ready. :) Enjoy. **

* * *

**Chapter Seven: I Believe In A Thing Called Love**

After they finally finished sucking face, Ashley and Lauren excited the car and walked up the driveway. Lauren grabbed onto Ashley's arm when she saw me. Ashley didn't do anything but stare at me when she noticed me sitting there.

"Hi. You must be Spencer right?" Lauren was wearing another skirt that barely reached her vagina, and looked at me with complete and utter disdain. Before I had a chance to respond she continued, "The girl who Ashley has been spending all of her time with the past couple days?"

I didn't say anything, but I glanced at Ashley instead.

She rolled her eyes. "Spence, this is Lauren. Lo, this is Spencer."

Being the bigger person was always my specialty, so I reached out to shake her hand. "Nice to meet you."

She looked at my hand like it was garbage, laughed once, and dragged Ashley inside.

"Sorry," Ashley mumbled as she passed me on the steps.

I got up and followed them inside.

"Aw, come on, Ash! Why is _she_ here?" Glen scowled at Lauren, as she and Ashley sat down on the loveseat. I hung out by the door.

Ashley opened her mouth to speak, but Lauren cut her off. "Nice to see you too, Gleney," She sported the fakest smile ever as she went on, "And to answer your question, my Ashley here was upset, so she came to my place. As she should," She glanced at Ashley, who was staring at me. "But she wanted to come back here after we… _talked,_" She giggled and it made me even more sick. "So we did."

Glen looked at her with a blank expression. Then he looked at Ashley. "Cool." He rolled his eyes, and went back to the football game he was watching.

"I'm going to go to the bathroom. Be right back, baby," She kissed Ashley on the cheek and left the room. Thank God.

"Don't even start, okay Glen? I know, she's a fucking bitch ass whore, and you don't want her in your house, I get it. She invited herself when I said I was coming back here, and she wouldn't take no for an answer as usual so… yeah," Ashley finished lamely as I walked into the living area.

"Well," I started. "Isn't she a treat?"

"I don't need you to start, either…" Ashley rubbed her temples in frustration.

"You need to dump her, Ash. Like," Glen got up and walked into the kitchen. "Right now."

"I'm not going to just dump her, Glen…"

"Why not?"

"Because. Where's Aiden anyway?"

Glen rolled his eyes. "With your sister."

"Well, that's just great. I have to deal with you," She looked at me. "I have to deal with Lauren, and now I have to think about my best friend fucking my little sister. How fantastic."

"What do you mean you have to deal with me?"

Ashley shook her head. "Nothing, Spencer. I don't mean anything I'm saying actually."

Before I had a chance to respond, Lauren stalked back into the living room. "Ash, honey, I just got called into work, will you take me please?"

Ashley looked at me once before getting up. "Yeah. Let's go."

After they left, I asked Glen where Lauren worked.

"Hooters."

"Figures." I muttered as I went upstairs.

* * *

I still had feelings for Ashley. It was as clear as fucking day, but I still couldn't believe it. How could this happen? How could I let this girl put herself back into my life again? I was so much better off, in San Francisco, living my quiet, nice life with Sam. A part of me was upset at myself, for allowing this, but the other part… well, I couldn't help but remember how happy I was around Ashley all the time, and I was feeling that again. Being near her or in her presence just made me genuinely happy. Well, not when we're around some bitch named Lauren.

God, that girl was just _horrible. _I'll admit she was attractive(not my type at all though), but her personality cancelled out her looks.

Sam called me about an hour later, and we talked for awhile. I knew she could tell I wasn't acting like myself, but she never said anything about it. She must not have wanted to start another fight again. I didn't blame her.

It was different talking to Sam. I don't know how to explain it really, but it just didn't feel the same. She could feel it too. I loved talking to her, but in the back of my mind my current predicament still lingered.

I went back downstairs and spent the rest of the day with my brother. As obnoxious as he was, I still loved him, and he was a pretty good distraction.

Ashley never came back.

* * *

I must have fallen asleep on the couch, because I woke up the next morning with a sore back and neck. I didn't feel like moving, so I just lay there for awhile. Eventually, I heard some low voices coming from the kitchen. I sat up to be able hear better.

"Finally came to your senses, huh?"

"Yeah… I just… I don't know, I never really cared about her, I guess."

"Obviously. So, we prowlin' tonight or what?"

"I don't think so, Glen."

"What do you mean you 'don't think so'? Without Lauren following your every move, you could get some serious tail now!"

"I don't want any tail."

"Are you kidding me, Ash?"

"No, I'm not kidding. What's the point? I'll go out, meet some random chick, fuck her, and never see her again. What's so great about that?"

"Um, everything?"

"No… there's nothing good about it, Glen. Because after, I would still be alone."

Neither of them said anything for a couple minutes. I couldn't believe I was actually hearing these words coming out of Ashley's mouth.

"Ashley… are you all right?"

"No, I'm _not_ all right. I haven't been."

"Woah, what's going on?"

"I'm just sick of… everything. I want more."

"More of what?"

They stopped talking again. More of what? More of what, Ashley?

"Ash… come on."

"I can't help it, Glen. I can't."

"First of all, she lives almost six hours away, and second of all, _she has a girlfriend._"

"You don't think I know that? 'Cause, I do. I just… whenever I look at her, I can't help but think if I hadn't been such an idiot, how great we could've been… It would have been amazing."

"Well, guess what? You _did _fuck up, you two _aren't _together, and you're not going to be. So you need to get this idea out of your head."

"I can't just forget about it. I can't just forget about her. I've been trying to do that for five years…"

My eyes were open, listening intently, but as I heard her last words, they slid shut, tightly. I tried to hold back my tears.

"Okay, look, let's be hypothetical and shit right now. Let's say she wasn't in a relationship and she moved back here. And you told her you still loved her. Then what? I hate to break it to you, Ash, but you're still the same person you were in high school."

"I would never hurt her again. I _couldn't_ do that again."

"That's great that you know that and all, but she doesn't know that, nor would she believe it."

"I understand everything you're saying to me, Glen. But, I still have to take this second chance at her, at us. I made the mistake of screwing things up and letting her go once, and I'm not going to go it again. I won't."

Glen sighed. I really need to stop snooping on other people's conversations, because I'm hearing things I would rather not hear.

"Look, what I want and what's probably going to happen are two completely different things," Ashley continued. "I get that. But I still can't go along with my life without knowing what could've happened. So, I'm going to tell her, once and for all, and let things fall where they fall."

I stood up after that and went into the kitchen.

"Oh, hey, Spence." Glen said.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm my emotions. "Hey. What's for breakfast?"

"Uhhhh, whatever you make us," Glen laughed.

Although I wasn't looking in her direction, I could feel Ashley's stare on me.


	8. This Is It

**All right guys, big chapter right here. I hope you guys like it, and don't get too mad for Spencer's choices in this... Enjoy. :) **

* * *

**Chapter Eight: This Is It**

Ashley left a little while later without saying a word to me.

Aiden came by and the rest of the day I spent with him and Glen. I was kind of wound up the whole day, thinking about when and where Ashley was going to tell me that she- well, you know.

I called Chelsea the next morning.

"_You totally love her still!"_

"Chels…"

"_Okay, sorry, I'm sorry. But, Spence, you really do love her don't you_?"

I took a deep breath. "Yes, I-I-I love her…"

"_All right so what are you-"_

"But, I love Sam too."

"_You can't love two people at the same time, Spencer." _

"How do you know?"

"_Because I… I just know, okay? You can't."_

I rolled my eyes. "You don't know that. I mean, I've obviously never gotten over Ashley. I thought I did, but I guess not. And then there's Sam, who I did fall in love with, and moved in with, and promised I would never hurt, and… Oh my God…" I can't believe I was doing this Sam. She didn't deserve this, not at all.

"_Spencer, calm down. Listen to me, okay? You can't help who you love. This isn't your fault. Who knew that the second you saw Ashley again, all your feelings would come rushing back? You certaintly didn't, and neither did Sam. Yes, she'll be hurt, but you can't blame yourself." _

"I can't hurt her, Chelsea," I sighed. We talked for a little bit, then Glen called me asking to meet him and Aiden at the movies with his car. I went of course. Another good distraction.

* * *

When I got back later that night, Ashley called me.

"_Hey,"_

"Um, hi. What's up?"

"_I was wondering if you could come to my place. I want to talk to you about some stuff, without interuptions."_ She sounded very calm. It was scaring me.

"Uhh… sure. What time?"

"_Now. If that's good for you." _

I didn't say anything. Was I ready for this?

"_Please, Spencer." _

I closed my eyes. "Okay, yeah. I'll take Glen's car. He's with Aiden somewhere."

"_Great. See you in a bit."_

I got directions from Ashley via text. She lived with Kyla in a loft about ten minutes from Glen's house.

When I got up to her door I took a deep breath, but it opened by itself. Oh yeah, she did just buzz me up.

She smiled, but it was small and short lived. "Hey, come on in." She moved aside and let me walk through.

She was wearing sweats, a tank top, and no make up. She had never looked more beautiful.

She asked me if I wanted anything to eat or drink, and I politely declined. There was no way I could stomach anything right now.

We sat down on the couch and she started talking immedietly.

"There is something that I've been trying to tell you, but I've gotten interupted each time. And now I am going to tell you, and I hope that you can understand where I'm coming from with this. For the past five years, Spencer, I've been trying to forget you. I've been trying to forget your eyes, and your smile, and your voice. I've been trying to forget what it felt like to kiss you, and how soft your hands are. But, it's pretty hard to forget things that you love. It's pretty hard to forget someone that you're in love with. For five years, I've tried to think of anything but you. But… you're the only thing I _have_ thought of.

"When Glen told me you were coming to visit, and that you were staying with him, I didn't know what to do with myself. And when you got here, I tried to act normal, and I tried to just avoid you, but it didn't last long obviously. When I saw you in the kitchen at Glen's party, I told myself that I would just ask you how've you been, and that's it. It wasn't it though," She shook her head. "Then I thought, well, maybe if I apologize to you and make things right, we could at least be friends. But I've realized I can never _just _be your friend," Stray tears were now making their way down her cheeks, and my own face mirrored hers. "_I love you, _Spencer. I fell in love with you in high school, and I never stopped loving you."

Silence enveloped the room. The emotion in her words filled the air. I stared into her eyes, because I couldn't look at anything else.

I licked my lips, then whispered the words I've known all along, but chose not to accept, "I still love you too, Ash."

Her breathing turned ragged. In and out, in and out. "You do?"

I nodded.

I was looking at her eyes, but the next thing I saw was black, because my eyes had fallen shut when her lips lightly touched mine.

With her hands on my face, we pulled apart and she whispered, "I've wanted to do that for such a long time."

I couldn't speak. I couldn't think. I couldn't do anything.

So when she took my hand and pulled me out of the living room, and to her bedroom, I didn't object.

* * *

We didn't go farther than kissing.

We laid on her bed, and she repeatedly ran her hands all over my body. From my head, down my arms, and to my stomach. It was getting pretty difficult to breathe, and I had to keep reminding myself to do so.

Her hands were soft, just as I remembered, but I still felt the tiny callouses she had on her fingers from playing the guitar. I remembered them also. I had missed them.

Occasionaly, Ashley sighed, and whispered that she loved me. Aside from that, neither of us talked. We didn't have to. We had an uspoken agreement that no words were needed at this moment, and that we would figure everything out in the next day. No matter how hard it would be.

Tonight though? Tonight was about us, and only us.

I fell asleep in her arms, and I had never had felt more content than I did in that moment.

I dreamt that I was standing in front of two doors. One had an A on it, the other had an S.

The A door was cracked, and very old.

The S door was a pretty blue color, and brand new.

For some reason, I was drawn toward the cracked door, but just as I was about to open it, I woke up.

Lifting my head from Ashley's chest, I looked at her. She was sleeping, so peacefully, and I couldn't help but wonder what she was dreaming about, if she was dreaming at all.

I put my head back where it was, and dozed off again.

My dream was the same, but I did nothing except stare at the two doors, not moving.

* * *

I woke up the next morning at around eleven to an empty bed and a note.

_Spencer, _

_I'm so sorry that I'm not here to wake up with you. I wanted nothing more than to see your beautiful eyes open and then ask me for breakfast, but I had to go into the studio today to help out with some things. I should be home around noon, and you're welcome to stay if you would like. Of course, you don't have too, but I would love to come home to you. Kyla is working and won't be home until tonight so you wouldn't have to deal with her. If you stay(which I hope you will), there is plenty of cereal and other foods in the kitchen, so help yourself. I know we have a lot to talk about, but I would love to put it off as long as possible just to get a few more moments with you like last night. Please text me to let me know if you're leaving or going back to Glen's because I don't want to get my hopes up, come home, and have to see you not there. I would hate that. Hopefully, I will see you soon. I love you. _

_Ashley _

She would be back in an hour, so I decided to stay, just to make her happy. I got out of the bed, and remember that Ashley gave me a pair of sweats to wear instead of my jeans last night. They were very comfortable.

I went into the kithen and grabbed some cereal. As I ate, I texted Ashley that I was staying here.

She replied:

_:D Great. I can't wait to see you. _

I smiled at the text and continued to eat.

When she came home, I was in the living room, sitting on the couch, with a blanket draped over me.

"Are you aware of how incredibly adorable you are?" She asked as she set her keys in the bowl by the front door.

"Uh no, I'm not aware of that." I smiled.

"Well now you are." She sat next to me on the couch.

We stared goofily at each other for awhile, but I had to say something. "Ash…"

She looked at the ceiling. "I know, I know."

"Let's go back to Glen's. I need to shower."

"Wait, what? You don't want to talk?"

"No, not yet. We'll put it off for a couple hours, like you said in your note."

She smiled. "Okay."

* * *

I showered and Ashley and I were currently seated on Glen's couch, watching TV. I wasn't interested in what we were watching because all I could think about was this beautiful brunette next to me.

The doorbell rang, so I stood to answer it.

When I opened the door, I saw my other brunette, who I had cheated on the night before.

My stomach dropped and I couldn't make out coherent words. "S-Sam?"

She smiled, her hazel eyes looking back at me. "Surprise."


	9. Story of a Girl

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Sorry for the wait and sorry if there is mistakes, I just really wanted to get this to you guys. Enjoy.

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Chapter Nine: Story of a Girl

I've never believed in second chances. My father always said, "You only get one shot to do things right in life. And if you screw it up the first time… well, then you're fucked." It was one of the few things my dad taught me before he died.

In high school, when I royally fucked up the only relationship I ever would have stayed in, I figured I wouldn't get a second shot with it. With her.

But when Spencer Carlin walked back into my life, my strong belief that second chances didn't exist decreased some. It kept decreasing the more I spent time with her. And it completely erased from my mind the night she told me she still loved me.

Now, don't think I never thought about the fact that she lived five hours away from me, or that she had a girlfriend, or that maybe, I wouldn't be able to handle being with her again. Because I did. And let me tell you, I told myself that whatever happened, I would _never_ hurt her another time. But that night, when she was so nicely wrapped in my arms, all I could think about was her.

Before that night, I had kept trying to tell Spencer I still had feelings for her, still loved her. But each time I got interrupted. The second time it happened was because of her girlfriend, Sam. That time I couldn't take it. I was sitting there, trying to tell this girl that I loved her, but then couldn't because she got a call from the girl _she_ loved.

I went to Lauren after that, and I know what you're thinking. Why was I ever associated with this girl in the first place? Well, I'll tell you. After Spencer moved, all I did was sleep around. Most recently though: Lauren. She was the only girl that I ever fucked who pursued me so much after that I just gave in. It also didn't suck that she was smoking hot and great in bed.

So when I left Spencer's that day, Lauren was the only one around so I went to her. We had sex, but after, I just felt horrible. And the next day, I decided it was time, once and for all, to tell Spencer how I felt. Oh, and I dumped Lauren too. You have no idea how good that felt.

The morning after spending the night with Spencer, my joy was short lived, because I got called into work. I wrote songs and produced at a label downtown, and I loved what I did, but at that moment all I wanted to do was spend time with Spencer. When I got home, I was expecting a talk, but she decided against it and we went back to her brother's.

Time seemed to stand still for awhile, but when the doorbell rang, and Samantha Bradley walked through the threshold, everything was sent into motion again.

When I watched them hug, my belief that second chances didn't exist slowly made its way back to me.

* * *

Apparently, Sam had been planning this little trip the minute Spencer left. She knew she couldn't get the two weeks off of work, but could get at least one, and so she decided to surprise Spencer by coming to LA. It was all so disgustingly sweet, if you ask me. I wanted to puke.

Actually, I wanted to puke a lot. Especially from seeing Spencer and Sam act all lovey dovey towards each other. They hugged, kissed, and held hands like every other couple, but occasionally Spencer's eyes glanced to mine. I tried my best not to look hurt.

It didn't work.

I tried to leave once, but Spencer looked at me with her sad, blue eyes and said, "You're leaving?"

Sam was talking to Glen, so she couldn't hear us, but I still spoke in a low voice. "Yeah, Spencer. You expect me to sit here with you and your girlfriend? I don't think so." I tried to step away, but she grabbed my wrist. Damn her and her soft hands.

She frowned, and I could tell she felt guilty. She glanced over her shoulder to the kitchen where Sam and Glen were, then back to me. "Look, I'm sorry that she's here, but… there's nothing I can do right now. We have to talk later though."

"And we will, I just… need to leave. I can't watch you with her, Spencer."

She nodded, and let go of my wrist.

"I love you," I whispered so quietly that I don't think she even heard.

I got in my car and saw a new message on my phone.

_I love you too. _

As I drove away, a single tear made its way down my cheek.

* * *

"What happened?" Aiden asked as closed my front door. He knew about last night with Spencer, but I texted him asking him to come over. He knew something was up.

"Spencer's girlfriend is here." I looked down at my hands that were resting on my legs as I sat cross legged on my couch.

"In LA?" He sat down next to me.

"No, Aiden, in Sacramento. Of course, LA, you idiot." I rolled my eyes.

He held up his hands. "Woah, calm down. Why is she here?"

"Came to surprise Spencer, I guess. She's staying here for the rest of Spencer's visit."

"Oh. Did you meet her?"

I nodded.

"Well?"

I sighed. "She's great. I spent twenty minutes trying to find some flaw in her, but I couldn't find anything."

Aiden chuckled. This was not a funny matter.

"And Spencer acted so different around her, it made me _sick._"

"So what's going to happen with you and Spencer?"

I sighed and let my head fall back on the couch. "I don't know… I mean, I would literally give up anything to be with her right now. You have no idea."

"…I actually have some idea."

I didn't lift my head up, but I let my eyes roll to his. "Aiden."

"What?"

"You're talking about my sister right?"

He shrugged and didn't say anything.

I lifted my head up this time. "You two need to seriously get it together."

"I've been trying to get her to be my girlfriend again, but she just won't say yes!"

"Come on, you know she loves you."

"Then why won't she be with me?"

It was my turn to shrug.

"Ashley, you do know! I know she tells you stuff," He got off the couch and onto one knee, putting his hands together in front of his face. "Please, just tell me what she told you. It would help so much."

"Aiden, I can't."

"Please, Ash, you're my best friend."

"Don't pull the best friend card okay? Because sometimes the sister card trumps it, like right now."

He sighed, and sat back on the couch.

"Now, can we please get back to my dilemma? It's worse than yours."

"There's nothing to talk about though. You know it's all up to Spencer now."

He was right. Unusual for him, because he's so stupid, that he's usually always wrong. I hated it.

"In the mean time, we could go prowlin' tonight."

"First of all, it's Tuesday and you have work in the morning, and second of all… I don't do that anymore."

"First of all," He was mocking me. "Since when does having to work in the morning really affect me going out? Never. And second of all... what do you mean, 'you don't do that anymore'? You did it last week!"

"Doesn't matter. I'm stopping. If I have any chance whatsoever at getting Spencer back, the fucking random girls each night has to stop."

Aiden shook his head in disbelief. Was it really that unbelievable that I was changing? I sure didn't think so.

"Maybe you should consider doing what I'm doing…" I said as I got up and walked to the kitchen.

"Why do you say that?"

"I'm not saying anything, but uh, K-Y-L-A."

He ran into the kitchen. "So that's what it is? Does she want me to stop going out all the time?"

"I don't know, Aiden." I opened the fridge and smiled. This boy was so stupid, I swear.


	10. Everything Changes

**Not even going to try and give you guys an excuse. I hope there still some readers left, because I would like to finish this. Enjoy to who ever is left lol. **

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Chapter Ten: Everything Changes

The next couple days were a blur. Spencer tried to call me and talk a few times, but I blew her off each time. I was "working" a lot and I guess I just didn't want to talk to her. It was too hard.

I had a feeling that if we talked, I would end being very hurt, and I didn't want that. Not yet at least.

My heart being broken was inevitable, I already knew that. The more I thought about Spencer and Sam, there more I was convinced that Spencer I just weren't meant to be.

I hadn't been out with Aiden and Glen or any of my other friends in awhile, and surprisingly, I didn't really care. I never thought that I would stop partying, but it all seemed to not really matter anymore. Nothing mattered anymore.

Nothing except her.

* * *

On Saturday night, a talk with Kyla changed my mind set a little bit.

"Ashley Marie, it is a Saturday night, why are here on our couch eating bon bons?" Kyla stood in front of the TV with her hands on her hips.

I sighed. "I'm not eating bon bons, you asshole. I'm eating trail mix."

"Okay… why aren't you out though? Come to think of it, why haven't you been out at all this past week?"

I shrugged. "No reason."

"Bullshit. It's Spencer right? Have you talked to her at all?"

I looked down at my bowl of trail mix. "No…" I mumbled.

"Ash, come on," She sat down next to me on the couch. "You need to talk to her."

"I can't, Kyla."

"And why can't you?"

"Because I-I-" I sighed and closed my eyes, to fight back the tears. "If I talk to her, my heart is just going to get broken."

"You don't know that."

"No, I do," I set my bowl down on the coffee table, and looked at my sister. "I know exactly she'll say to me if we talked. 'I love you, Ash. I really do, but I can't be with you. I love my girlfriend, and you and I just wouldn't work out. You've hurt me too much in the past.'"

Kyla sighed. "Look, maybe she will say that. Or maybe she won't. Maybe… you'll talk to her and she tells you that she's moving back to LA. And that she's breaking up with that Sam bitch for you. And that… she loves you. More than anything. Now, if you don't talk to her, Ash, she's just going to go back to San Fran and move on with her life without you. And you're going to be here, wondering what could have been."

* * *

The next day was Sunday, and as I made my way to Glen's house I almost chickened out. Almost.

Maybe I should have called Spencer first to make sure Sam wasn't going to be around. There was no way we could talk if she was there.

When I pulled up I noticed that Glen's car was not in the driveway. Good, he won't be a distraction then.

I grabbed the spare key from under a dead flower pot on the porch and let myself in. There was no one in sight.

I went upstairs and heard some low music coming from the guest room Spencer had been staying in. As I opened the door, I tried not to think of the things that probably went on in here since Sam's arrival.

Spencer was standing next to the bed, folding, and setting clothes into a suitcase. Oh shit.

"Spence?"

I watched her shoulders rise and fall. "What are you doing here?" She didn't turn around.

"I…" I walked closer and stood next to her. I touched her suitcase. "Why are you packing right now?"

She didn't look at me. She just stared at the shirt she was still holding. "Because Sam and I are leaving tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" No, please, no. I thought I had more time than that. "No, you're supposed to be leaving on Wednesday."

"We're leaving tomorrow, Ashley."

"Why?"

"I told Sam I wanted to go home, so we're going."

"And you we're just going leave, without telling me."

She threw the shirt down into her suitcase, and turned to me. "Well, maybe if you would answer the fucking phone then we-"

"Spencer," I grabbed her arms. "Stop. I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry I've been MIA the past couple of days, but I'm here now, all right? I'm here."

She didn't say anything, so I continued. "I love you. And… I don't want you to leave. Stay here, okay? Stay here, and be with me."

"Ash…" She whispered. "I've been wanting to hear that from you for awhile…"

"Okay, well, there I said it. You heard it."

She closed her eyes, and single tear ran down her perfect cheek. I couldn't bear to see it so I wiped it away with my thumb.

"It's too late."

"What? What do you mean it's too late?"

"I told you. Sam and I leaving. We're going back to San Francisco."

"No," I shook my head. "No you're not."

"I am," She nodded and moved away from me. "After you left the night Sam got here, all I wanted was for her to leave and for you to come back to me. I wanted to tell you that I wanted to be with you, and not her. But it wasn't the right time, so… I just figured I would tell you the next day. I called you, and you didn't answer… I called you so many times, and you didn't answer," She shook her head. "I thought you didn't care anymore, so I stopped. And now here you are, and it's too late. It's too fucking late, Ashley." She looked up at me, tears everywhere on her face, blue eyes piercing mine.

"It's not, Spencer. It's not!" I was pretty sure my face was the same as hers, tears all over.

"It is. You gave me time to think. I can't move back here. I can't just up and leave San Francisco for good. I have a job, I have friends, and I have a life there."

"You could have a life here, Spence. A life with _me._"

She shook her head. "I can't hurt Sam like that. I just can't."

"But you can hurt me."

"I'm sorry, Ashley." She whispered.

And with that, with those final whispered words, Spencer Carlin broke my heart, just like I had broken hers five years before.


	11. All I Wanted

**Hey guys so this is the second to last chapter. There will be an epilogue after the last chapter so look out for those two. They will be up as soon as possible. I'm sorry this has taken awhile, but one of the Seniors at my high school passed away recently, and its been pretty hard at school. I will try as hard as I can to get the last of this up really fast. I hope no one gets too mad at the little cliff hanger at the end of this. :P Enjoy. **

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**Chapter Eleven: All I Wanted **

I can't believe I let her leave. I can't believe that she let herself leave.

She got on a train with that stupid little girlfriend of hers and travelled hours away to her stupid apartment in that stupid city.

She's gone. The only girl I've ever truly loved is gone, and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it.

It was ridiculous how fast she came back into my life, and even more ridiculous how fast she left it.

* * *

It hadn't even been an entire week since Spencer left, and I'm already with Lauren. Don't judge, okay? It was a Friday night, and with me being a changed women, going out didn't seem too appealing. I was feeling lonely, so I called her, and even though she tried to put some moves on me, I wasn't having it.

We we're currently seated on my couch watching re-runs of _Full House. _Mind you, we weren't touching either.

She sighed a couple times, and then finally said what was on her mind. "Why am I here, Ashley?"

I tore my eyes away from Bob Saget to look at her. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, why am I here with you right now if we're just going to watch re-runs of stupid old TV shows?"

"Hey. _Full House _isn't stupid, okay? It's a classic."

She rolled her eyes. "Whatever, I'm leaving."

She stood but I grabbed her arm and pulled her back down. "No, please don't leave."

"Give me one good reason why I should stay."

"Because… even though we aren't dating anymore, you still care about me. And I need someone right now."

She stared at me. "You're right. I do still care about you… but let me ask you something. Do you still care about me? Or did you ever?"

I sighed. I so didn't want to have this conversation right now. "Can we… just, not?"

"No, if I'm here, and we're not having sex, then I at least want to get some answers from you. Now come on, what _was _our relationship to you? A joke?"

I groaned and threw my head back on the couch. "It wasn't a joke, it was… a fling, I guess."

"Flings don't last for three months, Ashley."

I sighed, she was not letting me off easy at all. "Okay. I don't do relationships, you know that. But… there is only _one _person who would make me want to be in a real relationship, a serious one. And… you're just not that person. That person… well, she's gone. For good."

"Spencer." Lauren said. It wasn't a question, she knew.

"Yeah. Spencer." It felt weird hearing and saying her name. "I do care about you though; please don't think that I don't. I actually kind of love you, Lauren. As a friend. I mean, I get the side to see the side of you that no one else sees. The side that's… compassionate, and nice… and would do anything for the people she cares about."

I saw her blush, and then she said, "You're just not _in _love with me, though."

"Right." I nodded. I can't believe she was actually getting it.

"Too bad that I'm in love with you…"

I frowned. "I wish I could do something, but-"

"There isn't anything you can do, I know."

"I'm sorry." I said that with the most sincerity ever. And that is saying something because I've never felt this sorry for a girl before.

Lauren was a bitch. A total bitch, but sometimes, on rare occasions with me, she could be really nice. I liked that about her, but she just wasn't for me.

There was only one girl for me, but unfortunately, I wasn't the only girl for her.

* * *

My life was getting pretty horrible.

At work, I could barely concentrate and everyone was getting very frustrated because I was usually on my A game all the time.

Aiden hadn't really been trying to hard with Kyla, but he and Glen had been trying really hard to get as many girls as they could lately. They asked me to go out with them numerous times, but I'd decline. That was another thing: all Aiden and Glen did was go out, and I didn't want too, so I was pretty much alone all the time. Kyla was working, and I didn't really have any other friends I liked to spend quality time with.

All I had was Lauren, and although we had worked our "relationship" out, she still wasn't the person I wanted to spend my days with.

* * *

I think they finally noticed that I wasn't okay, because Aiden and Glen invited me over to have some beers with them at Glen's place one weekend. No girls, no parties, just us. That was all I wanted right now.

"I can't believe you've been fucking around with Lauren again, Ash." Glen shook his head, then swallowed some beer from his bottle as us three lounged around in his living room.

"Hey, we haven't even been having sex, I swear!" I held up hands, and laughed. I was feeling a lot better being around my friends.

"Whaaaaaaaaatever you say."

Aiden laughed, and took a swig of his beer. "So what's Kyla been up to lately?"

"You tell me, Aiden. Oh wait! You _can't, _because you've barely spoken to her in like a week."

Aiden sighed. "I've just been-"

"Fucking girls? Yeah, I know. You guys should really stop with that shit, I'm serious."

"Just because you did, doesn't mean we have too," Glen said.

"Well, if Aiden wants to be with Kyla again then he has too." I said.

"She's right." Aiden shook his head. "That's it. I'm done. Tomorrow, I'm calling Kyla and telling her she's the only one I want to be with."

"Aw man, come on!" Glen threw his hands up. "She's already pussied out on me, now you are? Who am I supposed to go out with now?"

"No one, Glen." I said. "You know, I heard Madison moved back to town recently. Maybe you have a shot with her again." I shrugged.

He didn't say anything. Aiden and I both knew he had a soft spot for that spicy Latina.

But, like Spencer and I and Aiden and Kyla, they were never technically together, nor did they last.

I guess there was just something wrong with the three of us. I mean, we either have or had the girls that we would choose to settle down with, but ultimately, they got away from us somehow.

At least Aiden has a legitimate shot at Kyla.

* * *

The three of us ended up passing out in Glen's living room, just like the old times.

It was around two am when my cell phone ringing woke me up. Since Aiden and Glen slept like rocks, they could hear it.

I reached to the coffee table from my spot on the couch, and grabbed my phone.

What I saw flashing on the screen stopped my heart.

I had forgotten that I took a picture of her to come up when she called. It took my breath away to look at it.

It felt like hours, me staring at the flashing, "Spencer Carlin" on the screen.


	12. Mine

**So this is it guys, I hope you throughly enjoyed this. I know that I did when I was writing it, and I hope you guys did too. Like I said, there will be an epilogue, so look out for that. In the mean time, enjoy this this chapter. I had fun writing it. :) **

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**Chapter Twelve: Mine**

I couldn't breathe.

I watched my thumb hover over the little arrow on my iPhone. All I had to do was slide that arrow over, and I would be able to hear her voice again.

I got up from the couch and walked to the bathroom. Any second now, her picture would disappear, and my phone would read, "1 Missed Call: Spencer Carlin".

I couldn't let that happen, so I answered.

"Hello?" I said quietly.

"_Ash?" _

I sighed and closed my eyes. Her voice instantly made me feel ten times better.

"Yeah, it's me."

"_Uh… Hi. How are you_?" She was very quiet too. I could picture her, sitting on the edge of her bathtub in San Francisco, phone pressed to her ear, and one of her arms curled around her tiny waist.

"I've been better… why are you calling me, Spencer?"

"_I… I guess I just wanted to hear your voice." _

"Really?"

"_Yeah. And… I wanted to tell you how sorry I am_." I could tell she started to cry then. It was so hard to listen to her cry.

"For what?"

"_Everything. Everything that happened when I was in LA. It was all my fault; I shouldn't have allowed myself to get close to you again. And I shouldn't have allowed you to get close to me again. Because it obviously ended badly for the both of us." _

"Well, clearly it ended badly for me again, Spence. You came here, made me fall in love with you all over again, and then left."

She sighed.

"But I'm kind of confused. How did it end badly for you? I mean, you're the one who got to go back to your perfect girlfriend, and perfect life."

"_It's not perfect, Ash… not at all."_

"Can I ask you something?"

"_Of course." _

"Are you happy? Because even I'm not, I can okay knowing that you are."

She didn't say anything. The only sounds I heard were the ones of her soft crying.

I could barely make it out, but she whispered, _"No."_

I took a deep, shaky, breath. "I can't do this. I can't sit here and talk to you, knowing that you're _not _happy. And that you would be if you were here with me," I sighed and put a hand to my face. "I would make you so happy, Spence…"

"_I know you-"_

"_Spencer? What are you doing? It's almost 2:30 in the morning."_

I didn't know what else to do, besides hang up when I heard Sam's voice.

Why did I have to answer the fucking phone?

She never called me back.

* * *

Silly me. I thought that the conversation I had with Spencer when she was still in LA was going to be our last. Little did I know that I was going to speak with her again, and end up being hurt more than I had ever before.

She wasn't happy with Sam. She wasn't fucking happy with her, but she's still with her. I will _never _be able to understand that. Never.

I spoke to no one for the rest of the weekend. I actually went home after I hung up with her that night. I probably shouldn't have been driving but I did anyway, because I didn't want to have to explain anything to Aiden and Glen.

I was feeling lonelier that I had ever felt, so on Saturday I did something that I never thought I would have done.

I got a dog.

I don't particularly like animals really. They shed, and stink, but a dog was the only thing I could think of to cure my loneliness.

And plus, the puppy at the pound that I chose was to too freaking adorable to pass up.

She was a black and white border collie, and I named her Bailey. I decided that all my effort was going to be put into her and work now. For the rest of my life actually.

I knew I was never going to get over her, but there was no use dwelling on the past. I told myself that ten times a day.

* * *

On Monday I went to work and spoke to no one again. I was numb. All I thought about was how I was going to carry all of the puppy chow I had in my car all the way up to my loft.

When I walked through the hallway of my building, carrying all of that damn dog food, I didn't even realize that someone was sitting outside of my door with their head down until I got close enough.

The red chucks stood out the most, but the blonde hair got me.

The person lifted her head up, and I was met with the most beautiful blue eyes anyone would ever lay their eyes on.

I dropped the bag.

"Whaaa? What are you doing here?"

Spencer Carlin stood up, and looked me straight in the eyes. "I broke up with Sam."

"What?"

"I broke up with her, packed as much as I could," She gestured to the two pieces of luggage by her feet. "got on a train, and came straight here."

"I don't know what to say."

"Don't say anything. Not yet at least. Just listen to me, okay?"

I nodded, dumbfounded.

"When I got back to San Francisco, all I could think about was you. Your eyes, and your smile, and your voice. I tried to go back to my life, but it just wasn't working. Everything made me think of you. The guitar playing at the coffee shop Sam works at, this guy I saw wearing aviators because that's all you wear, and I guess it probably didn't help when I would just stare at the picture I have of you in my phone," She laughed. "Visiting LA again made me realized that I'm still so completely in love with you, and that even though you've hurt me in the past, I want, no I _need _to try this again with you. So what do you say? Will you be with me, even though I left you already once?"

The tears that were down her cheeks were enough to make me want to just hold her forever.

But the way she was looking at me, with so much love, made me want to kiss the hell out of her.

And that is exactly what I did.

After we pulled apart, she laughed. "Is that a yes?"

I nodded. "That's hell yes, Spence."

She swallowed. "Okay. But, Ash, listen. If we do this, than this is it alright? This is us, no more screwing up, okay?"

"Okay. No more screwing up. I promise. I will never hurt you, Spencer. Never again."

She smiled that smile that I love oh so much.

As we stood there, looking into each other's eyes, I realized that even though we spent five years apart our love for the other never stopped.

It may have been put on hold for awhile, but it was always, always there.

She was mine. All mine this time, and I almost didn't believe it until she kissed me again.

Everything fell into place in that moment, and it felt like time stood still for awhile.

Until this, "Awwwww! Spencer you came back? That is SO CUTE!"

I turned around and saw Kyla with her hands together in front of her.

I rolled my eyes, and pulled Spencer closer to me. "Kyla…"

"It's like a movie!"

Spencer laughed, and just the sound of it made me smile like crazy.

Like she had said, this is it. This was us. And I made a vow right there to make sure this lasted, because no matter what, I needed Spencer in my life.

And I was pretty sure she needed me too.


	13. Epilogue: Tell Me Why

**Thank you to every single person who read, reviewed, and had anything to do with this story. I love you all. I'm hoping to be starting another story soon, so be on the lookout for that. Until then, goodbye everyone! :) **

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Epilogue: Tell Me Why

**Three months later. **

Sam's apartment in San Francisco seemed smaller somehow. Maybe it was because of how big Ashley's loft was.

It felt a lot different being here now that I had been living in LA for the past three months.

I thought it would be hard coming back here, but since Sam wasn't home, it was a lot easier.

I know what you're thinking: I'm a coward for coming at a time that Sam wouldn't be here, but it would be too difficult to face her. And I needed to get the rest of my stuff.

Ashley was currently downstairs in her car, waiting for me to come back down. She offered to come up and help, but since I didn't have much left, I denied.

I also needed to come back here on my own.

As I walked out of my old bedroom with a box full of the rest of my things, the door opened and in walked Sam.

Shit.

"Spencer?" She looked at me with some hope, and then noticed the box in my hand. Her face fell. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to come here and get the rest of my stuff."

She nodded. "You could have called me."

I opened my mouth to speak, but she cut me off.

"Instead of sneaking here when you thought I was going to be gone."

"I'm sorry, Sam. I just thought it would be easier. For the both of us."

She nodded again. "I'm moving out of here soon, you know."

I scrunched my eyebrows. "Why? You love this apartment."

"Yeah, I do," She sighed and lightly touched one of the walls. "Too many memories though."

I didn't have a response to that.

She took a deep breath. "Is she here?"

"She's downstairs. In the car."

Sam nodded. "Can I ask you something, Spencer?" She walked to the kitchen area of the apartment, and put her hands on the counter, not looking at me.

I set the box down on the floor and sighed. I so didn't want this conversation to happen, but I guess it was inevitable.

"Yeah, of course." I crossed my arms over my chest.

"What does she have that I don't?" She sounded so small, and it hurt me to hear her like this.

"Honestly?" I let out a small, short laugh. "Nothing. It's me. It's not that she's a better person than you, it's me. It's the fact that I fell in love with her before I met you, and I guess…" I shrugged once. "once I saw her again it was all going to come back to me, without me even knowing." I walked closer to her, and continued talking. This was my chance to make things right. "I wish things could have been different, Sam. I really do. Because no matter what happened with Ashley, I did end up meeting you. And I did fall for you. I mean, I-I do love you, Sam. Just not the way you probably want me too. And I hate that I had hurt you."

She finally looked up at me then.

Her green eyes were flooded with tears. She swallowed. "You have no idea how much I love you."

I took a deep shaky breath to hold back my own tears.

"She hurt you, Spencer. You _told _me how much she hurt you. And I just-" She stopped talking and swallowed again to hold back her sobs. "I just can't understand how you can be with her after that. Especially after being with me for a whole year. I didn't hurt you once. And I would never hurt you. _Never_."

"I know you wouldn't have, Sam."

"Then why are you with her?"

I picked up the box on the floor, and started towards the door.

"Spencer? No, don't leave. We aren't done."

I stopped in the open doorway. "No, we are done. How I feel about Ashley is not something I expect you to understand. Someday, you're going to find a girl, a much better girl than me, who you'll love, and will love you back. The way you need them too. And you're going to happy. I promise. Because any girl would be lucky to have you."

She closed her eyes.

As I closed the door I said, "Goodbye, Samantha."

* * *

"You okay?" Ashley asked as I walked towards her and her car. She was leaning against it.

She grabbed the box from me, and set it on the sidewalk. "Spencer?" She put her hands on my arms.

"Yeah, I'm okay."

"She's there isn't she?"

I nodded.

"Yeah, I thought I saw her walk up. Thank God she didn't see me in the car." Ashley laughed.

Her laugh instantly made me feel better.

She leant down and picked up the box. She put it in the car, and then grabbed one of my hands.

"You ready?" She asked.

"Yeah." I nodded.

We got into her car and started our journey back to LA.

As we pulled away I took one last look at my old home. My old life.

Then, I turned my head the other way and looked at my new life. It was a much better view.

* * *

Bailey jumped on me as soon as I stepped through the door.

But, once she noticed Spencer was behind me, I was forgotten.

I swear, that dog loves Spencer more than anything. She and I have that in common.

"That dog is such a pain in the ass, Ash." Kyla walked toward us holding a chewed up heel of hers.

"Uhh… she got to one of your shoes again, huh?" I think it was pure coincidence that Bailey only chewed on Kyla's shoes.

Spencer giggled behind me as she pet Bailey.

"Yeah, she did. She's out to get me!"

"Oh come on, Kyla, you're overreacting."

"Whatever. I'm going to Aiden's."

Her and him were official again if you're wondering. Fucking finally.

"Okay, hey you and him are going to Glen's later right?"

"Of course. I wouldn't miss our triple date for the world." Glen and Madison we're speaking again also. They weren't official yet, but it was going to happen soon. I could feel it.

Aiden, Glen, and I had finally grown up. It felt good.

"You know we're just having beers and pizza right?"

She rolled her eyes then left.

I went to the kitchen, and opened the fridge. "Do you want some coffee, Spence?" I called out.

"Yes, please!"

A couple minutes later, I walked into the living room, and sat next to my lovely girlfriend and dog on the couch.

Bailey was curled into Spencer, sleeping comfortably. It was adorable.

"Here you go." I handed Spencer the mug.

"Thanks." She smiled.

We sat in a comfortable smile for awhile then I spoke. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm more than okay. I promise."

"Alright."

"Ash?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

I smiled. "I love you too."


End file.
